Author: taxi

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Mohawk Today – Natalie Frances

We can exclusively reveal that we now have a Mohawk that can jump higher than Ash.

Natalie Frances is a committee member of the trampolining society. This means that we can legitimately complain to her next time we are delayed at Sunday training. All blame must be attatched to Natalie and it is definately all her fault personally. That said it is a credit to the Mohawks scouting network that we were able to poach Natalie away at the peak (no pun intended) of her success. We believe that university sport is the perfect trialing ground for ultimate, we are the most successful team after all.

Natalie’s Mohawk boyfriend Wham introduced her to the sport last year. Natalie has certainly made an immediate impact on the Mohawks being, among other things the only fresher Squaw to go to Open Indoor Regionals. Rapidly becoming a familiar face at tournaments and socials, it is a shame that she found ultimate late in her student life. She is surely destined to a future in ultimate at club level for years to come. However we are forced to reveal that this is yet another example of a Mohawk to have never done a three pint challenge. Although Natalie’s integral status as ‘designated driver’ at tournaments perhaps excuses this oversight.

One of those sensible people that have a plan for life we understand Natalie is training to be a Maths teacher. Working at a school in Brighton she will soon qualify and be let loose on the white board all by herself. Unconfirmed reports have suggested that Natalie does actually have eyes in the back of her head, those kids better watch out!

However this career may have to be put on hold after rumours that Chelsea FC have been sniffing around. With Chelsea worried about finishing outside of the top four it is rumoured that a large transfer fee may just prise Natalie out of the Mohawks only months after she joined. Roman Abramovich is on record as saying ‘I will pay anything, she can’t be worse than Torres’.

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Mohawk Today – Ed Hamilton

eduroam – the name of the wireless internet connection across the campus.
ed – the moron who thought they had named said system after him.

Ed is a second year student studying Business and Marketing. We are led to believe that he has yet to complete a three-pint challenge. This is unacceptable and must be corrected at the earliest opportunity we believe that every Mohawk should set an example to future generations and set a benchmark time.

A man after our own heart, Ed is profficient at watching ultimate. A source close to Ed claims that he has both “thrown and caught discs”, but they have so far been unable to provide any substantiating evidence.
We do however possess action shots of Ed expertly watching others. As these examples show this particular Mohawk has an uncanny knack of getting prime position to look at others.

Ed has thus far been overlooked in the Mohawk’s love web. However we have managed to obtain a photograph that had, until now, been subject to a super injunction. Legally we are not allowed to reveal the identity of Ed’s intimate companion and can only reveal him to be one of Ed’s team-mates at the 2011 outdoor national championships. One much-loved Mohawk described the moment as “tender” and it has been suggested that the doting couple were once close to becoming ‘facebook official’.

The relationship is said to have cooled with the pair spending more time apart from one another. The anonymous lover confidentially explained that “he was just too clingy, always stroking my hair and liking our pics on facebook”.  Unperturbed Ed has since been overheard saying to another pining Mohawk ‘I may be going to the toilet but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you forever’.  With lines like that surely it is only a matter of time before he earns himself a place in Mohawk’s love web.

Editors Note: It has been rumoured that Ed is soon to star in an Agony Ed section on the Mohawk’s website. King of the dry one-liner and perhaps not always aware of how funny he can be; we believe Ed would be perfect for this role.  Watch this space.